Nov. 30 Discussion Topics
DISCUSSION PROMPTS / NOV. 30
Chapter Six:
Is hooks correct in her analysis of how media exposure determines our values? In the 20 years since this book was published, have the images we consume from mass media changed or evolved to encompass hooks’ vision?
“We see movies in which people are represented as being in love who never talk with one another, who fall into bed without ever discussing their bodies, their sexual needs, their likes and dislikes. Indeed, the message received from the mass media is that knowledge makes love less compelling; that it is ignorance that gives love its erotic and transgressive edge. These messages are often brought to us by profiteering producers who have no clue about the art of loving, who substitute their mystified visiems because they do not really know how to genuinely portray loving interaction.” (pg 95)
Do you agree with hooks that all spheres of American life-politics, religion, the workplace, domestic households, intimate relations-- should and could embody a love ethic as their foundation?
Love ethic = showing care, respect, knowledge, integrity, and the will to cooperate (pg 101).
“Living by a love ethic we learn to value loyalty and a commitment to sustained bonds over material advancement. While careers and making money remain important agendas, they never take precedence over valuing and nurturing human life and well-being.” (pg 88)
“Refusal to stand up for what you believe in weakens individual morality and ethics as well as those of the culture . No wonder then that we are a nation of people, the majority of whom, across race, class, and gender, claim to be religious, claim to believe in the divine power of love, and yet collectively remain unable to embrace a love ethic and allow it to guide behavior, especially if doing so would mean supporting radical change.” (pg 91)
How can we work towards communities that are governed by the spirit of love and communalism?
“In the small town where I live (now only some of the time) there is a spirit of neighborliness-of fellowship, care, and respect. These same values existed in the neighborhoods of the town in which I grew up. Even though I spend most of my time in New York City, I live in a cooperative apartment building where we all know each other. We protect and nurture our collective well-being. We strive to make our home place a positive environment for everyone. We all agree that integrity and care enhance all our lives.” (pg 101)
Chapter Seven:
Do you agree with hooks sentiment that materialism and consumption create a world of narcissism?
“Isolation and loneliness are central causes of depression and despair. Yet they are the outcome of life in a culture where things matter more than people.”
“Intense spiritual and emotional lack in our lives is the perfect breeding ground for material greed and overconsumption.” (pg 105)
Are dysfunctional relationships normalized over loving families in our society?
“The truth is, we are a nation that normalizes dysfunction. The more attention focused on dysfunctional bonds, the more the message that families are all a bit messed up becomes commonplace and the greater the notion becomes that this is just how families are. Like hedonistic consumption, we are encouraged to believe that the excesses of the family are normal and that it is abnormal to believe that one can have a functional, loving family. This is the outcome of living in a culture where the politics of greed are normalized. The message we get is that everybody wants to have more money to buy more things so it is not problematic if we lie and cheat a bit to get ahead.” (pg 115)
In your opinion, is greed antithetical to love? If so, why?
“When we value the delaying of gratification and take responsibility for our actions, we simplify our emotional universe. Living simply makes loving simple.” (pg 125)
Chapter Eight:
“There is no better place to learn the art of loving than in community” (pg 129). What are your thoughts on this?
“Peck defines community as the coming together of a group of individuals ‘who have learned how to communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their masks of composure, and who have developed some significant commitment to 'rejoice together, mourn together,' and to 'delight in each other, and make other's conditions our own.’"
How does hooks’ assessment of friendship and devaluation of romantic love as a primary site for care challenge social norms designed to maintain romantic partnerships as the chief relationship in our lives?
“This devaluation of our friendships creates an emptiness we may not see when we are devoting all our attention to finding someone to love romantically or giving all our attention to a chosen loved one. Committed love relationships are far more likely to become codependent when we cut off all our ties with friends to give these bonds we consider primary our exclusive attention.” (pg 135)
“I know individuals who accept dishonesty in their primary relationships, or who are themselves dishonest, when they would never accept it in friendships. Satisfying friendships in which we share mutual love provides a guide for behavior in other relationships, including romantic ones.” (pg 138)
How should we structure society to more equitably spread out our capacity to love?
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